In a Facebook video titled, “The Day I Decided Not To Kill Myself,” former megachurch pastor Perry Noble revealed that he considered taking his own life after he lost his job at NewSpring Church in South Carolina last year amid struggles with alcohol.
Noble revealed that he felt like a failure last year when he lost his job and separated from his wife and admitted to “drinking too much.” He said he was diagnosed with PTSD in rehab — a disorder that is likely tied to the molestation he faced as a 6-year-old child.
Alcohol, he said, was a temporary respite from his problems, though he now knows that he really “messed up” and recalled the deep pain he felt when it seemed that he was losing it all.
“Ultimately, I was fired. I wasn’t just fired, I was fired publicly. There was a lot of shame. Shame that I brought on myself. I’m not blaming anybody,” Noble said. “I lose my job, my wife leaves me, and I felt like those closest to me — whether true or not — abandoned me. I couldn’t get a return phone all, I just felt alone.”
It was amid his darkest moments in rehab that he started planning his suicide.
“I had the spot picked out, I had the gun picked out, and I was going to literally take my own life,” he said.
But then something happened that changed everything: Before he was able to execute his plans, Perry said he felt God speak to him.
“It was the clearest I’ve ever heard His voice. He told me, ‘I’m not finished with you yet.'”
Watch Noble explain his experience below:
Noble has been open in the past about his struggles with depression, penning a 2014 blog post that described the desperation he faced years earlier in 2008.
“In 2008, I entered into the darkest time of my entire life that lasted for around three years,” Noble wrote at the time, admitting to later struggles as well. “It was brutal. I even gave suicide serious consideration.”
Now, Noble admits that his life isn’t quite where he wants it and that he hasn’t come to a resolution with his wife, but God’s voice helped save him that fateful day. He hopes his story can help others who might face similar feelings of pain and failure.
“It’s not a coincidence that you’re sitting at the other side of this computer listening to me tell my story. Maybe He is using me to spread that encouragement to you,” he said. “If God can do it for me, He can do it for you. And He will. I absolutely believe that.”
(H/T: Christian Post)