In recent weeks, Hollywood has struggled to address the “me too” movement in a meaningful way beyond hashtags and slogans. Part of the problem could be they’re looking for answers in all the wrong places. Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel – who made his career by frequently objectifying and humiliating women – is a champion of the cause.
The very culture that has created the perverted yet popular definition of manhood is not going to be a suitable place to find the answer.
One pastor – Matt Chandler from Flower Mound, Texas – offered a better solution in a recent sermon. If more people would follow the example of true manliness as laid out in the Bible, he argues, we would not see the pervasive mistreatment and abuse of women we’re seeing today.
WATCH:
Chandler explained there are “two predominate false narratives” that are essentially destroying the proper view of manhood. The first was “the machismo” narrative. The second is “that there is no difference, there is no distinction between the man and the woman.”
He broke down both false narratives in a biting sermon that gets to the heart of the struggle culture is currently going through in dealing with this issue.
“Machismo severs the emotions and sets up sexual conquest and athletic prowess as measures of masculinity. If you grew up with a dad who was like, ‘Quit crying! Suck it up! Be a man! Men don’t act like that. Quit acting like your sister,’ all of that is machismo nonsense,” Chandler argued.
“Brothers, anybody grow up in that house? ‘Quit crying! Quit feeling what you feel. Men don’t feel; we do.’ It’s machismo. It’s ridiculous. It’s toxic to the male soul, destroys human flourishing, and teaches that brute force and violence, as well as misogyny, are masculine. It’s a lie. It’s killing us,” he said.
Chandler continued: “The other false narrative (this one is predominately if you’re 30 and under) is that there is no difference, there is no distinction between the man and the woman. There’s nothing for the man that’s not also for the woman. It flattens out gender, makes it fluid, and teaches there’s nothing distinct a man is called to and nothing distinct a woman is called to. It’s just that we’re humans and we’ve been called to act Christianly wherever we go,” he said.
To help explain this falsehood, Chandler went to 1 Corinthians 16:
This is in the conclusion of the letter to the church at Corinth in a section your Bible probably calls Final Instructions. ‘Be watchful, stand firm in the faith…’ If you’re going to circle anything, I would circle that. ‘…act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.’ I love this. He’s making a distinction… Our songs and movies and shows are trying to get you to buy this lie that distinction means inequality. That’s not true. Difference does not mean not equal; it just means different. What Paul is writing the church at Corinth here is, “Hey, act like a man.” This literally translates, “Play the man,” which I like.
The message also strikes at the heart of why and how men, in particular, struggle:
If anyone knew how often men, without question, think they’re not good enough, think they’re failures, think they’ll never measure up, think they cannot win, it would blow their mind. This is one of the great ways the Enemy destroys biblical masculinity, because all we see is our failures, and most of us have in the back of our minds our dad telling us we’re never going to measure up.
This is just scratching the surface of this message, which really struck at the nerve of what’s plaguing society when it comes to the dysfunction between men and women. A must listen and share message to listen to in its entirety. If you can’t listen, read the message below, as transcribed by The Village Church:
If you have your Bibles, go ahead and grab those. We’re going to be in 1 Corinthians 16 for the first part of this sermon, and then I’m going to put up a series of texts for the second part.
Now I want to tackle a subject today… It has actually been on the agenda for quite some time, and yet it ends up landing in a season of life in 2018 where I’m all the more provoked to preach it. I want to talk about something I have seen grow more and more out of favor, and that is to talk about manhood and what it means to be a man. The reason I think this sermon that has been planned out for a while lands in a perfect time is that more and more and more the very concept of masculinity is being looked at and viewed through the lenses of what is problematic, and yet what I want to argue is it’s a lack of biblical masculinity that has actually led to a lot of the turmoil and brokenness we’re seeing in our culture. If you’re a woman here today and you’re like, “Oh my gosh. I came on ‘Man Sunday’?” I just want you to breathe, because I think you have a big role to play in all of this. I don’t think I’m talking to the men and you’re over here and this has nothing to do with you. I think this has everything to do with you, and I want to lay out a couple of reasons why before we dive in.
The first would be as a member of this body, as our mothers, as our sisters, as our daughters, God has placed you here to encourage men to act like God would have them behave. Secondly, and I said this during our Beautiful Design series, and I want to say it again. The reason it’s massively important for you to understand what God is calling men to is so that you might think biblically and have high expectations for how men approach you, treat you, and talk to you, so that you have a biblical filter by which you can say, “That’s not okay. You don’t get to talk to me that way. You don’t get to treat me that way,” and you’re standing on the authority of the Word of God and not some whim in your soul.
What we’re talking about today is extremely important, and I think it comes at a time in our culture where there are two predominate false narratives that are killing us. The first false narrative is what I’ll call the machismo narrative. If you’re my age or older, I would almost guarantee you grew up with this. Here’s what I wrote: “Machismo severs the emotions and sets up sexual conquest and athletic prowess as measures of masculinity.” If you grew up with a dad who was like, “Quit crying! Suck it up! Be a man! Men don’t act like that. Quit acting like your sister,” all of that is machismo nonsense. Brothers, anybody grow up in that house? “Quit crying. Quit feeling what you feel. Men don’t feel; we do.” It’s machismo. It’s ridiculous. It’s toxic to the male soul, destroys human flourishing, and teaches that brute force and violence, as well as misogyny, are masculine. It’s a lie. It’s killing us.
I had an opportunity to go down to South Texas this week, take a little break, hang out with some friends, and chase white-tail. (Save me the email. Don’t email me about how we shouldn’t do that. I’m going to send you back some texts from Genesis and a picture you don’t want to see.) We’re sitting around this table and talking about how we grew up, and of the four men at that table, three of the four had this kind of upbringing. Our dads aren’t evil men. They had given themselves over to a picture of masculinity that’s very, very popular and yet wrong. “Suck it up. Don’t feel. Quit crying. Men don’t cry.” Gosh, that cuts out Jesus. It cuts out King David. If you would like to go one-on-one with King David, manly man, all my cash is on him. It ain’t a lot, but I’m going to win. I’m going to double it up, even though the odds are not going to be in your favor. The dude killed a bear and a lion with his hands. I know you CrossFit, but my guess is you’re going to get yourself lit up. This is one of those false narratives.
When men embrace this narrative, you get Harvey Weinstein. That’s what you get when this narrative is the norm. “I am entitled. It’s mine.” Violent brute force. “I take what I want. I get what I want. I’m a man!” It’s a lie. It’s from hell. It’s demonic, and our daughters and sisters bear the violence of this, but it’s not the only false narrative.The other false narrative (this one is predominately if you’re 30 and under) is that there is no difference, there is no distinction between the man and the woman. There’s nothing for the man that’s not also for the woman. It flattens out gender, makes it fluid, and teaches there’s nothing distinct a man is called to and nothing distinct a woman is called to. It’s just that we’re humans and we’ve been called to act Christianly wherever we go. John Piper, who’s a friend of mine… We actually disagree a lot around this subject, but here’s where I do agree with him. He says when we teach this, when we flatten God’s call on little boys to become distinctly men, we forfeit both great restraint on male vice as well as a “great, God-ordained incentive for male valor.” I love that sentence.
I want to answer two questions. That’s all we’re going to do. It’s going to be quick…for me. First question…Is there a distinction between being a male and being a man? Can you be a 40-year-old with a penis and not be a man? (That’s probably the first time some of you have heard that word in church. It’s fine.) Second question…Do men have a unique responsibility as men? Those are my two questions. Let’s dive in.
1. Is there a distinction between being a male and being a man? Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 16, starting in verse 13. This is in the conclusion of the letter to the church at Corinth in a section your Bible probably calls Final Instructions. “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith…” If you’re going to circle anything, I would circle that. “…act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” I love this. He’s making a distinction… Our songs and movies and shows are trying to get you to buy this lie that distinction means inequality. That’s not true. Difference does not mean not equal; it just means different. What Paul is writing the church at Corinth here is, “Hey, act like a man.” This literally translates, “Play the man,” which I like. He’s making a distinction here. “Don’t act like a woman. Don’t act like a boy. Don’t act like an animal. Act like a man.” You might even feel some tension as I say that. This is the air we’re breathing right now that I’m not allowed to say these things, and yet the Word of God bears its weight on this issue for the good of all humankind, especially the good of women and children. Act like a man. Play the man. What does that mean? Well, he puts all of these commands around this imperative to act like a man.
What does it look like to not be male only but to be a man? He begins to build it out. Here’s the first one: “Be watchful…” This is “Pay attention.” Here’s how I would simplify it: “Don’t be silly. Be serious.” Now let me tell you what I’m not saying. I would just encourage you. Brothers, you need to be the ambassador of fun and joy in any place you operate. You just need to bring the fun. So I’m not saying, “Be crusty.” I’m saying, “Don’t be silly.” Do you know who’s silly? Little boys. Does anybody have little boys? They’re absurd. I love them as little boys. I would not want them to lead, execute, or build. They’re silly. I love it. I have one. He’s silly, like all of his little friends are silly. Men aren’t silly; they’re serious. Full of joy, full of life, ambassadors of joy, but not silly. They’re watchful. They understand the stakes that exist in their home and in the world. They’re watchful. Then this one is, I think, the most important: “…stand firm in the faith…” I love that. Every one of those words matters. He’s saying, “You want to act like a man? Then you stand firm in the faith.” Not “Stand firm in your discipline. Stand firm in your abilities. Stand firm in your will.” No, no, no. You stand firm in the finished work of Jesus Christ for you. Why? Because men are prone to shame. If anyone knew how often men, without question, think they’re not good enough, think they’re failures, think they’ll never measure up, think they cannot win, it would blow their mind. This is one of the great ways the Enemy destroys biblical masculinity, because all we see is our failures, and most of us have in the back of our minds our dad telling us we’re never going to measure up. What Paul is saving us from here, what God is trying to save you from is in this moment, as we walk through this, and you go, “Oh my gosh, I’ve blown it,” to not downshift into insecure shame but to stand firm on what Christ has said about you.
See, standing firm in the faith gives you the best opportunity for genuine masculinity. It enables you to lean into your weaknesses rather than hide them. Brothers, we have bought the lie that strength, not being soft, not being weak, not struggling is somehow masculine, and yet standing firm in the faith means we have the strength to own our weaknesses and then paint a picture of gospel forgiveness for all to see. The more you project strength, the weaker you probably are.
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