The wife a California pastor who committed suicide last month has spoken out about the moment she had to reveal the devastating news to her three young children.
Pastor Andrew Stoecklein of Inland Hills Church in Chino, California, took his own life August 24 after battling with anxiety and depression.
“Telling the boys yesterday was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” Andrew’s wife, Kayla, posted to Instagram yesterday. “It crushed me. Our oldest son Smith had the most difficult time processing everything. He is such a smart boy and is incredibly heartbroken.”
Perhaps the most heartbreaking section of Kayla’s update is when she detailed the questions asked by her three boys in the wake of their father’s untimely death.
“The types of questions he asked really shocked me. “Are you and daddy still married?” “Did the doctors know daddy was going to die?” “Why didn’t he say goodbye?” “What is my life going to be like without daddy?”” she wrote. “These are questions a 5 year old shouldn’t be asking. These are questions a 29 year old mommy shouldn’t be answering. I hate that I can’t protect them from their grief. I hate that the only way to move forward is to walk through it. There is so much unknown for all of us.”
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As for the future without her husband, Kayla admitted that it was nothing short of “daunting.”
“This isn’t the life I dreamed about, but I know God is with me,” she noted. “This isn’t the life I prayed for, but I know God will provide. This isn’t fair, this isn’t right, this doesn’t feel real, but I know God is greater, stronger, and bigger. God is for me, with me, and beside me.”
The heartbroken widow concluded: “He is wrapping his loving arms around me and my boys and reminding us even now that He has got this too.”
A GoFundMe campaign has been set up for Kayla and her boys to provide “financial security during a very difficult season.” So far, over $250,000 has been raised.
Both Andrew’s brother, Austin and his sister Paige posted to Instagram after the tragic news was announced, saying that Drew was a “loving, caring, smart, funny and captivating” guy. In 2013, Austin, Drew and Paige lost their father, the founding pastor of Inland Hills Church, to cancer. Dave Stoeckleino passed away aged just 55.
“Andrew, thank you for being the older brother that I needed. Thank you for taking care of me and Mom and Austin and Kayla and your three beautiful boys. Thank you for being a leader and a rock for our family when dad went home,” Paige wrote on Instagram.
“You carried us and the church when you shouldn’t have had to. Thank you for fighting for us for so long. Thinking of you in heaven, probably hanging and joking with dad, both of you dreaming up even bigger dreams for our FORRREVERRR in paradise. You are free of pain. Free of anxiety. Free of the evil that slowly crept it’s way in because it saw you were doing great things. Big things for the Kingdom of God. We will not let this stop us. We will not let satan win. God’s still got this.”
“I am completely heartbroken and feel emptier than ever,” Austin wrote in his emotional post, noting that his brother was struck down with a heavy wave of despair before attempting to end his own life.
“Please listen to me – this was NOT the Andrew that we all knew and loved,” he wrote. “This was a moment of vulnerability in a long, hard battle against the enemy. Mental illness – anxiety, depression, and extreme spiritual warfare did this. Not Andrew. The demons that did this took over his mind and body in a moment of weakness. He fought so hard through things that most of us can’t even comprehend.”
“He was absolutely one-of-a-kind. So good at so many things,” Austin continued. “Gifted speaker. Forward creative thinker. Loving husband and father. He was the absolute BEST brother to me.”
Austin said he would care for his elder brother’s children “as if they were my own, forever.”
“I am so proud to be your brother. I promise to carry your legacy with me and make you proud.”
Do continue to pray for this dear family as they grieve.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, contemplating suicide, or you just need someone to talk to, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. If you need counseling services in your area, consult the Christian Counselors Network.