Mike Donehey, who for years was part of hit music group Tenth Avenue North, is wading into ever-contentious cultural chaos with his new book, “Grace in the Gray: A More Loving Way to Disagree.”
Donehey recently told CBN’s Faithwire what he believes many Christians get wrong while trying to strike the difficult balance between truth and love.
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“They think it’s their job to save people, and so when you think it’s your job to change someone’s mind, you don’t care how offensive you come across,” he said. “You don’t care how hard you press. You’re like, ‘This is my shot and I need to save them.'”
But Donehey pointed to the Apostle Paul’s comments to Timothy imploring him to correct opponents with gentleness. 2 Timothy 2:24-26 reads:
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”
Donehey warned against speaking the truth with no regard for tone.
“God is the one who ultimately changes people’s minds,” he said. “Not you.”
He believes one reason debate seems more intense in today’s culture is because people suddenly have platforms on which to share their views.
“It definitely feels worse, but I think the reason it feels worse is because everyone has a microphone and a platform,” Donehey said. “So you just get to hear everyone’s dissent, where before it was curated.”
But he pointed back to history — and notably the Civil War — to note Americans haven’t always “seen eye to eye.” While disagreement has always raged, Donehey believes there are some ironic elements when it comes to the quagmire modern culture finds itself in.
“It’s actually easier than ever to hear a dissenting opinion, but because of the curation, you have to go searching for the other opinion to hear it,” he said, noting how algorithms tend to show one perspective.
Donehey also spoke about how the Bible shows God’s interactions with people who have messed up and made mistakes, drawing a distinction between the Lord’s interactions and “the way we talk to each other” when such a dynamic unfolds.
“[When I fail], the voice in my head is not kind. It isn’t curious,” he said. “The voice in my head is condemning and accusatory.”
But when he examined Adam and Eve and the way God handled their monumental error, Donehey sees a key difference.
“[God] doesn’t come at them the way I talk to myself, in the way I talk to others,” he said. “He doesn’t say, ‘What are you thinking? What on earth is this wrong with you?'”
Donehey continued, “He says, ‘Hey, where are you? Who told you that?”
In this case, the Lord, who could have destroyed Adam and Eve, approached with curiosity and kindness. And that has Donehey thinking deeper about how we must approach ourselves and others who are in err.
The singer concluded with an important message about disagreement that’s often lost in today’s culture.
“A lot of the time, disagreeing with your friends, disagreeing with your spouse, disagreeing with the people close to you isn’t a sign of unhealthy,” he said. “It’s a sign that you’re actually in a relationship to begin with, because if everyone around you agrees with you 100% of the time, you’re not in a relationship with anyone but yourself.”
Donehey is hoping people will listen more and fly off the handle less. Find out more about “Grace in the Gray: A More Loving Way to Disagree.”
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