Actress Jen Lilley is a passionate advocate for adoption and foster care who recently shared her powerful and multifaceted journey with CBN News.
“The journey for me started as a child,” Lilley said. “My parents were kind of what I call unofficial foster parents. My dad was a judge and my mom was a director of a women and children’s charity.”
Because of these roles, the family couldn’t legally foster children, but that preclusion didn’t “stop them from having compassion,” she said.
“Our home was kind of a rotating door at times for people that maybe just needed help transitioning and bridging in their life,” she said. “So, the idea of a child living in my home who wasn’t in my immediate family was not scary to me.”
Helping Kids in Need
Despite that familiarity due to Lilley’s upbringing, she said her husband, Jason Wayne, had a very different experience — and initially found the idea of having strangers live within their home a bit “scary.”
“For most people who go on the foster care adoption journey, there’s usually one spouse that’s like, ‘Let’s do this,’ and there’s another spouse that’s like, ‘You’re crazy.'”
The actress said her immediate family’s foster care and adoption process started in 2011, when she became a child advocate with Childhelp, a nonprofit that champions the issue.
“They’re one of the largest and longest-running nonprofits against child abuse and neglect in our country,” Lilley said. “One of their programs that they have is called Special Friends, and it’s kind of like Big Brothers, Big Sisters, where you mentor a child.”
It was that experience that started opening the door to foster care for Lilley. After mentoring a little girl in the program, Lilley and Wayne found themselves wanting to get more involved.
The actress said her Christian faith motivated her to foster and adopt.
“When love is your motive, you have to look at these kids,” Lilley said. “You can’t look away.”
Lilley Speaks Out
Lilley also spoke out against Vermont reportedly blocking Christian families from adopting over their biblical beliefs — a story that made headlines last year after two families filed a lawsuit.
At the time, the actress warned the decision by Vermont’s Department for Children and Family Services to ax two families’ licenses was a constitutional violation.
“This action not only violates our constitutional rights but also jeopardizes the well-being of children in dire need of safe, loving homes,” she said. “The government is deciding that it’s safer for a child to remain in a dangerous and potentially life-threatening situation than to live in a home with Christian beliefs? Make it make sense.”
In a recent interview with CBN News, Lilley revealed a conversation she had with the Vermont governor’s office last year — a discussion she wanted to pursue to better understand the issues on the table. Lilley approached the discussion fairly and with an open mind to understand the state’s position.
“I was like … ‘I just believe that there’s a seat at the table for everybody and … I think that, as long as your home is safe — truly safe — and is providing love, safety, and stability for these children, you should have a seat at that table,’” Lilley said, noting the goal of foster care isn’t separation from biological parents.
Instead, she said, the ultimate aspiration is to reunite children with their parents.
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“If the issue is that you’re not going to allow Christians to foster because we don’t agree with the transgender [issue], well, then put those children with a family that will affirm that if that’s your fear,” Lilley said. “I don’t understand why you’re saying, ‘No, Christians can’t foster anymore.’ And so I said, ‘Wouldn’t you agree?’”
Lilley said the representative responded by stating the government isn’t “taking any seats from the table,” calling such a notion “ridiculous.” But then the official reportedly followed up with something else: a proclamation that she doesn’t know anyone faithful aside from the two families at the center of the lawsuit who wouldn’t affirm a foster child’s gender identity.
This gave Lilley pause, considering her Christian faith and perspective — one that would potentially not comport with this woman’s worldview.
“And so I was like, ‘Oh man, so now you put me in the hot seat,'” she recalled. “I said, ‘Well, I have to back up then and just let you know that I am one of the Christians that would not stand for that.'”
At that point, Lilley said the representative laughed, rolled her eyes, and smirked. She respectfully ended the conversation and realized there wouldn’t be much progress.
Despite this conclusion, Lilley did deliver a final message to the official.
“And I said, ‘I do really hope — and this is my sincere hope — for the sake of all the children who need households and need safe, loving homes that this does not impact your ability to recruit more foster parents or retain more foster parents,'” she said. “We are in a crisis because we don’t have enough houses available. There are children sleeping in social workers’ offices all over this country or in shelters. Or, worse than that, remaining with an abuser who might kill them.”
Lilley continued, “There are five to seven children that die every day in the United States due to abuse and neglect, and, a lot of times, it’s because there was no place to put them.”
The Church’s Role
The actress said she believes the woman’s “heart was in the right place” and truly thinks she’s doing what’s best for the kids.
But that doesn’t help temper the storm created by the purported de-liscencing of Christians.
Lilley doesn’t know where the issue will go or what will unfold but added that the church needs to think deeper about the next steps, especially if Christians are de-licensed.
“Maybe that looks like the church stepping in before the government, opening up their homes as safe homes — that’s a thing,” Lilley said. “And how beautiful would that be if single moms, single dads, families that are going through crisis say, ‘I don’t have the ability to safely provide for my child,’ and the church steps up and says, ‘We have five homes within our church, how can we wrap around you? How can we serve you? How about we take care of your children and actually provide them love, stability, and safety?'”
For those inspired by Lilley’s story and looking to get into fostering themselves, she encouraged them to take an orientation class to get more information and to help step into the gap.
“I really believe that every single person was created on purpose, for a purpose — for this exact moment in time,” she said. “And I love looking at people’s differences, because we all reflect God and His nature. And I just think it’s so cool.”
Aryka Radke, deputy commissioner of the Vermont Department for Children and Families, Family Services Division, told CBN News in a statement that the agency doesn’t comment “on the specifics of pending lawsuits.”
But the agency did offer some general sentiments. We’ll leave you with their full statement on the matter:
“The Department for Children and Families (DCF) does not comment on the specifics of pending lawsuits. That said, generally speaking, DCF takes the care and support of youth in our custody seriously, and we work to ensure that youth in foster care are placed in homes that support all aspects of what makes them who they are. This includes their sexual orientation and gender identity. The Department prioritizes the safety of children and youth and works with the larger community to be a partner, ally, and support system – rather than a barrier to the children and youth who identify as part of the LGBTQI+ community.
Research has demonstrated that LGBTQI+ youth in foster care have higher than average negative outcomes, to include substance abuse, human trafficking, and suicide. By ensuring our foster parents can provide safe and affirming care, we can improve outcomes for this group of kids, to be on par with their heterosexual and cis-gendered peers (refers to a gender identity that matches the sex assigned at birth). It is a human right for all to be valued, supported, and not face discrimination, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. The Family Services Division is here to serve all, and upholds that expectation for both its staff, as well as the foster parents who agree to assume the care of the youth in our custody.
We know that a child or youth may not share their sexual orientation or gender identity, even if asked. Further still, with the understanding that many children may not have fully figured out their sexual orientation and/or gender identity, an honestly answered question today may not reflect the honest feelings of those same children the next day. That given, it is our responsibility to ensure all children and youth will reside in a home with caregivers who are committed to fully embracing and holistically affirming and supporting them. We need assurance that the foster and kin care homes selected for our children and youth can honor these personal facets of their being when they choose to share them with us.
We are grateful for all of the wonderful foster and kin caregivers helping to care for Vermont’s children, including many of devout religious backgrounds committed to supporting and caring for vulnerable kids in need of a loving home. Providing safe, affirming, accepting and welcoming homes benefits all youth and it has the power to save lives.”
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